It's Been a While

I didn't realize how long it had been since I last posted. The last post was right after we moved Kirk. I am happy to say he still appears to be very content. He isn't sleeping very well so we are working on that. I'll give a further update on him shortly.

Sidney and I had a quite Thanksgiving. We didn't go get Kirk because I want him to settle in there. We delivered meals with Meals on Wheels on both Wednesday and Thursday of Thanksgiving week. It was wonderful to bring smiles to peoples faces. WE not only delivered complete meals, even with a small pie, but we delivered carnations, small Christmas trees and homemade place mats. It was really a lot of fun.

We shared a Thanksgiving meal with friends before having a relaxing afternoon and evening. The following weekend was fairly quite except for running Sidney to and from swimming.... It never stops.

There have been many changes at work. The oil field environment is challenging right now and many people have either retired or been let go. My boss retired and I miss him dearly.  It's just not the same....I need the change to slow down a bit.

Sidney was supposed to have a swim meet December 11-13.  Coach didn't get us registered in time and it turned out OK. Sidney's girlfriend in Katy had her birthday party that weekend and so I was able to surprise her with a trip over.  It was a lot of driving for a short weekend but we had fun. We also got to visit our old church in Katy which is always refilling.

Sidney has been having a rougher time at school lately. She is not turning work in and not getting very good grades on tests. I am frustrated and not sure what is going on. Hopefully a break will help us both get back on track.   We have been able to get in a little hiking which has been a treat. Stormy is happy too.

I traded in both cars the day after Thanksgiving and bought a new Prius Wagon. I am really happy with it. It is very suitable for us and gets great gas mileage. It is much bigger than the old Prius and more useful than my car was.

Kirk has had a lot going on in the last few weeks. He has had several doctor visits at the foster home and he has been one to the VA facilities several times. There are still more questions than answers but every doctor, nurse, and other VA representative I have talked to have been fabulous. They are caring, concerned and take all the time I need to answer questions. I have been so amazingly happy with the care he is receiving. The care at the foster home is provided with love and the care from the VA has been really great. Kirk spent a whole day at the hospital Tuesday getting tests. The doctor he was seeing specializes in looking at what a patient can do or not do and understand what part of the brain is affected and how. I spent about an hour on the phone with him Tuesday answering and asking a lot of questions. His work will continues but I have another name for a condition Kirk exhibits.  I already know the name for the difficulty with words, Aphasia. But I also learned that Kirk can write but he can't read, not even what he just wrote.  It is apparently a very unusual rarely seen condition that is making them wonder more about the head injury and if there is something else contributing to his problems.  The condition is called Alexia without Agraphia. More work will be done to try to understand what happened and maybe a why.

Sidney and I are off to Germany tomorrow. Yes, we are running away. Our niece and nephew invited us over for Christmas and we couldn't pass it up. The last time I went to Germany I came back with a broken hand, two black eyes and road rash as well as had an emergency landing because the plane had smoke in the cockpit. Hopefully this is a less adventurous trip.

I think I am starting to feel a hint of peace regarding Kirk and our lives. It is only a hint and is mostly about his contentedness and the care he is getting.  And it all has been just happening without me having to fight every step of the way. I don't think I have felt that hint during this whole long experience. I pray that it continues and grows ever so slowly. I still am heart broken and that will take a very long time to change but I would love to have peace with where he is and his happiness.

I hope you all have a lovely Christmas and a very Happy New Year. Thank you for loving us, standing by us, and even carrying us for another year.

The Move and Life

I had jury duty on November 2. One of the most boring days of my life. I ended up on a panel but not going to jury. So the good news is that I am off the hook for three more years. And I got to read a book.

That day was followed by three days of training. As it turned out I have had the training before. Apparently it never got recorded so three more days....

Speaking of work it has been rough lately. We had voluntary retirements and my boss and one of my coworkers are retiring. There are many other retirements and also a few layoffs. Really need oil to rebound.  And I found out that a beloved coworker in Houston died last weekend. He apparently had been very sick with cancer but it was fast also. He spent the time with his wife and grown kids. I went on many of my international trips with him and he showed me all over and around Aberdeen several year ago. He is from the Aberdeen area. I will cherish his memory in a special place in my heart.

Sidney's swim coach moved the team to a different pool some time ago. It is a good 30 miles from the house, all the way across town. It's a really great pool but so far away. I have help on Tuesdays which is saving my bacon. But still I drive her 180 miles each week to swimming. We are managing though. I plan meals that we can warm up in the microwave and never fast food. The meals aren't always perfectly balanced but they are usually leftover home cooked stuff. Maybe we will be able to make it through the rest of the school year....

Sidney and I finally completed East Brae in legos. I did Brae Alpha some time ago and it was a lot easier. I had to restart East Brae several times but I think it is finally right.

I have also had some help getting the Ford running. I drover her to church this morning. It was nerve wracking as I have not driven her in several years (Kirk usually drove since he was stronger) and I haven't driven her ever with just Sidney and I. We had one stall at a stop sign but we got there an back fine. I think the stall was just her fit after not running for a year and half. The person who helped me gave a small but special part of life back to me.

I move Kirk on Friday. I had some help from guys at work and we used one of their trucks. He doesn't have much stuff but it was a puzzle to get it all into the truck to minimize scratches and the like. It was very hard to say goodbye to Rainbow House. I know the staff were fond of Kirk. And they took such good care of him.

After loading the truck, we headed off the the new place. We took a minor detour and saw a lot of San Antonio because there are 2 Beverly Drives with the same house number.  Started at the wrong one. But we got him to the new house, run by Mary Ann. It is a VA Foster Home and she has three men who live there. One had a stroke and the other is a double amputee having lost both legs. And then Kirk is the last resident. The friends who helped me move Kirk really liked Mary Ann and she has sent me several pictures and updates. He seems very content. Because he is at a VA Foster Home he will receive visiting doctors and nurses as well as can have bloodworm and shots at the house. Also there will be a social worker, dietician and Chaplain who visit. Mary Ann will take him to meet me at any specially appointments so he won't get lost anymore. And the VA will organize Day Care if they seems like it will be a good fit.

My Box Turtle

Sidney has been doing really good in school. Well until last week which seems to be a flop. All A's at the end of the last 6 weeks which means all A's thus far through the semester. Hopefully with the break over Thanksgiving she can get back on the right foot.

Move Update

I am sorry I have been so delinquent on the blog. I certainly have not been doing a good job with posts. I think of so many things to write and then life interferes.

I visited a VA Foster Home for Kirk on Friday. It is a smaller home with only room for three residents. There are two men there already. The first is a 65 year old veteran who had a stroke. The second is a 46 year old double amputee. The lady who runs the home will go visit Kirk this week and make a decision as to if he can live there. I am quickly running out of time as he has to be moved by November 29, a day that seemed so far away four months ago when we found out Rainbow House was closing. I feel like I didn't do a good job looking for options. If he moves to the VA Home, many things will hopefully get easier including appointments and even the move because the VA will move him.

Sidney is busy which means I am busy. She had a swim meet this weekend, all three days. At least this one was in town which made life's easier and it only ate about 6 hours of each day instead of 8 or 10.  I have shared a video and some pictures on Facebook. Sidney gets yelled at in the video and it's pretty funny. All the kids get their turn of getting yelled at..... And yet they all love Coach.

She has been swimming outside all summer and through October. Yes the water got really cold in October. She comes out blue or purple. Coach had been looking for a pool and found one but it is a good long ways away. We are going to try it. I have help on Tuesdays and we will see how it goes. The concerns I have are really how to keep us fed and get homework done without doing it late at night. This life is a juggling act. And I usually drop something.

I am not sure if I wrote that I managed to fix the grill and a toilet myself and I changed the smoke detector batteries and furnace filters. Small things I know but normal things. I also feed us real meals that I cook immediately four nights a week and reasonable (most of the time) left overs on the three super busy nights.

Sidney saves me so many times and she doesn't know it. I am still deep in sadness and grief and wondering if I am doing the right things and making the right choices. She wrote me a beautiful note on a really bad day. On anther day I was captivated by her reading me poetry and she was so engaged and beautiful. She is such a loving, talented, smart, sweet person. Still a wonderful blend of Kirk and I. I also think back on our amazing life of the invincible three. It didn't matter where we were or what we did or didn't have, we were happy. And I don't know what comes after that as two....

I'll let you know how the move develops. I pray I am making the right decision but I never know until it happens.

Memories and Moving On

The memory in this case isn't Kirk. It is Matthew, my brother. Almost no one in our lives now knew him. He died 20 years ago today in a car accident. I think of him often and mention him rarely. And I often wonder what his life would be like now.

I need to tell more about Marbridge. It was a really good place but the concern was Kirk's lack of orientation to place. The complex is quite large and although he has not show a wandering tendency they were concerned about him getting separated from the group and no knowing what to do. And so that possibility ended. 

There were some really fun parts of Kirk's interview though. First he was asked if he liked to exercise and he said yes, that he liked to do push-ups. I had to laugh. He previously disposed push-ups. And he wouldn't give it up. They told him they had a nice gym and he said lifting weights was OK but he really liked push-ups. 

Then we moved on to music. He likes romantic metal music. They asked if he liked classical and he said yes but liked romantic metal better. The metal theme continued with art which he said he liked to do art with metal. He also said that although he wouldn't mind a roommate, I was his best roommate. 

I am not sure I posted about Sidney's last swim meet in Round Rock. She did great but it was a long hot weekend. 

Kirk had his first appointment with a VA Doctor today. It went fine and all his care will switch to VA. I am also looking at VA Foster homes as a possibility for Kirk. There is at least one I should be able to look at. It is a small facility, a house actually. I hope to have some possibilities soon. The advantage of a VA foster home is that either the caregiver will transport Kirk to appointments or a doctor will come to the residence. We will see what developed in the next two weeks.

Marbridge Is Out

I wanted to get this posted right away. Kirk and I had another interview with Marbridge today and he was not accepted for admission. I will start working diligently on the VA but please pray I can find a good and happy spot for him. I am at a complete loss at this time.....

Just Life

That's kind of where we are now. We are 6 weeks into school and Sidney is doing pretty OK. She had a swim meet in Round Rock this weekend. It was out doors and oh so hot. She did pretty good. She made serious improvements in her butterfly. That might become her strongest stroke. A swim meet means a weekend isn't actually a weekend so we are both pretty tired.



I forgot to put a few things on the blog post about Peru. The first was pocket bread. The second youngest member of our team and the perpetually the hungriest, often had bread in his pocket. He'd pick it up from breakfast or dinner and carry it around. He'd either eat it later (sometimes days later) or let one of us have it. Desperation of a starving college student. Sidney reminded me about it. She calls the team member pocket bread person.



I also forgot to write about the rainy night on our last night in Peru. The pastor of the church walked in and was wearing a fire retardant fleece with the big red Marathon M on it. The name on the jacket was David. I suspect it originated at a Marathon refinery. Amazing how far a give away can travel.


Finally I forgot to write about some mis-spellings on the menu at a restaurant. Pie was spelled "pye" and side dishes were "side pishes". 



On to Kirk. We have another interview with Marbridge on October 7. We still aren't very close to an entry and time is running by. I continue to pursue other options but there are few of them.



A year ago I was moving Kirk out of the ICU at University Hospital. He was still on a ventilator and tracheotomy and feeding tube. But he could offer a kiss and nod to questions.  It was really the first time that I allowed myself to think he would live. I also thought we could maybe start a new but different life. I had no idea......



The level of sadness and loneliness is still almost intolerable. I cannot understand why my feelings are still so intense. It feels like this started yesterday versus a year ago.  I think Sidney is fairly well settled into reality though. The impact of his absence is different than it is for me. She certainly misses him but it isn't as present and continuous.


Thank you again for continued prayer and support. Thanks for sticking by our side through this journey.

Kirk's Visit to Marbridge

I took Kirk up to Marbridge, the facility that I am hoping to move home to, near Austin for a visit. The goal was for a few key staff members to meet him and for him to have a look around. He did fine. He was cordial, extremely polite, and communicated well about his likes and dislikes. I also clearly saw that he could read. One of the staff members gave him a list of activities and he picked out swimming to ask about. No one read it to him. He also said he really likes basketball and he would like to sing and go to church. He can't come up with these ideas on his own but he responds well to questions and knows what he wants.

He toured the faculty and met some residents and staff. He also said he didn't mind having a room mate because it is someone to talk to. Overall I think the visit went well. There were a couple of funnies. First he told me I was a much better driver that he was. I replied with a remark that it took him 17 years to admit that. He thought the year was 1996 and that he was living in San Angelo. I think he did live there then. He used meem, his go to word several times but he usually realizes it isn't
right and laughs. He's just got a really good sense of humor.

We still have hurdles. He isn't approved for admission and there is a waiting list and no vacancies. I need to provide more information and probably have to go for another meeting. They really don't know that they'll have a spot before November. I have a tentative back up plan with the VA but I sure would like to move him only once more.

On other notes we are adjusting to the school year. Some days better than others. Sidney has activities Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Swimming and piano. And I am as busy as ever with work. She also of course has more homework in middle school. Other than a few minor glitches she seems to be doing OK. She certainly likes it. I continue to go through the ups and downs as the days go by. I am still so very sad and overwhelmed.