April 26

I suppose I should become more creative with my blog post titles. My birthday was Monday. I had no expectations of a good birthday. I actually approached it with dread. But my wonderful friends came through with sweet treats and delectable eats. It started last Friday with a delicious chocolate cake after lunch around a big table. The more full a table for a meal, the happier I am. The weekend was good which I wrote about before.

I went out to lunch and dinner on my birthday and my friends gave me a mini crockpot. I fret over feeding Sidney and I good square meals. So this little crock pot should help me make Sidney and I sized healthy meals.

Sidney had up and down days swimming last week. Some days she was just tired and frustrated and other days she came out of the pool on a high. the middle to the end of the week was more challenging. I can very much see Sidney's struggle with the events of our life. She had a bit of difficulty on Thursday demonstrating fear, sadness, anger and desire for "normal". it was heart breaking and renewed the same feelings in me. It has taken a weekend of small successes to start to recover from that set back.

We had a friend over for dinner on Saturday and I made lasagna. It was great and we had such a nice dinner. And I was thinking ahead at the store and managed to cobble three mini pizzas out of some extra ingredients from the lasagna and stuff we already had along with bought crusts. Sidney finally got back on her beloved horse today. The weather has been a major hold up to riding.

Sidney has an interesting habit. It involves the cat and a cup of water. The cat is a snob and prefers to drink from the bath tub. However the water splashes so I fill a plastic cup and leave it in the tub. Sidney needed a drink so she just reached into the tub and drank the water from the cup. She didn't dump it and refill it or rinse it out.  The cat drinks with her tongue!!!

I am meeting with the staff at Hamilton House tomorrow to discuss moving Kirk to regular assisted living.  He has had no problems and has shown no desire to walk away so we may be ready to try. It's another risk of confusion and we need to figure out how to make him succeed.  I will also take him to the neuro-ophthalmologist this week. Hopefully we can get his vision straightened out.

I finalized Sidney's summer plans with a little bit of flexibility. We will go to Peru together on a mission in August.  That will be our get away.  I will be collecting things to take to the kids there. They love sticky notes and hand sanitizer. I am also going to take tooth brushes.  Their sweet little teeth are very unhealthy. Sidney will also go to Mo Ranch and grandma's.

April 18

We took Kirk to see The movie Home with us today. He enjoyed each moment of the movie and even laughed himself to tears several times. But by the time we were to the theatre doors he had no memory of the movie. We did enjoy our time together and Sidney loved the movie and was very happy. We also got a few more things to his room. His name is on his door and all the drawers are labeled. I need to put a label on his medicine cabinet also because he doesn't know what's in there. So he can't find his deodorant, tooth brush or toothpaste.

Sidney is now swimming three days a week. Some days she comes out of the pool happy and others upset. She is getting faster but still needs to improve on technique, including breathing correctly.

I was very busy this week. I got to the lawyer to get a new will and power of attorney and to the group that will help me with the VA. I also heard from Social Security that his application is complete and got the paperwork completed for VA aid and attendance. I had a doctors appointment also.  And I repaired two sprinklers and planted 5 plants. Unfortunately I still have one sprinkler to fix. It's buried in a foot of mud. Oh and I got summer planned and partially booked for Sidney.

Today besides the movie we got gas, groceries, a goodwill drop off, a walk, the front porch and furniture power washed and the outsides of all the windows washed. No wonder I'm tired!

Sidney and I went to dinner at Olive Garden last night and had one of the best servers ever. He heard me say Sidney's name and then called her by name. He also showed her how to eat spaghetti with her spoon and fork. I stopped on the way out to let the manager know what a great server we had. He to,d us our servers dad died two days before. I hope he took peace from us. I told him several times how great he was.

This week I want to get a better plan for keeping up with Kirk. It is hard to get hold of him and I am having a hard time knowing how he is doing. He seems happy but that is based on a rare conversation or visit.

I miss him so intensely. Sometimes I am shocked at how fast and hard the sadness or longing or shock hits. We are normalizing and I don't like it but it's the new reality.

I do need help with something. We have boxes of baseball cards that need to be sorted for the few that might be of some value. Is there anyone who can help me with that? Thanks

April 12

Sidney is starting this post.

Hi it's me and I recommend the DO* this at home episode of Mythbusters. They are testing loads of myths to see if you can do them at home. And for you northside students who can't find the email login, click here. I never want to see a resisting slavery assignment again in my life, though.
- Sidney 🐦 (falcon)

Ok I have retrieved the I-pad. If this makes you happy I'll let Sidney help with more posts.

We've had maybe a better weekend than in a while. And I mean by feeling. Kirk seems to be content and Sidney was OK with where he is. She even has plans for his life. Like he needs a pet. I am trying to figure out ways for him to sequence. I have many ideas but need to try them. And I haven't been irrationally angry or sad.

Sidney swam on Saturday after spending the night with a friend. Then we visited Kirk before she went to a horse care seminar. She had a great time and I got gas in the car and went to the store without help. And then with some help from HEB I made a dinner where Sidney cleaned her plate. He did more composting on the yard before sleep.

Sunday brought yummy big breakfast and then church. Horse back riding was cancelled so we got the fish tank clean and then I discovered my favorite tool, the pressure washer. The back porch is fabulous and clean along with the table and grill. Wow what a tool. I'm in love.

The planter on the front porch is planted. Garage swept and another real dinner made. Somehow we have made it through a weekend still standing. Oh and I have at least an outline of a plan for Sidney's summer.

On a more serious note we miss Kirk. Both of us. And we need to get him out of memory care. He can't spend forever there. I am meeting with VA and a lawyer this week. I also have some help for Sidney for swimming on Tuesday and she will visit friends on Wednesday so hopefully we will have a good week.

April 10

I don't have an address yet for Kirk. I did take him to the doctor today and nothing was changed.  Blood work is being done and we have a host of referrals. One will hopefully get his vision straightened out. Another is with a neurologist and one more for his other medications.

Several of theses are well down the road. He does still seem content where he is. Sidney and I will go visit him tomorrow. And we have a typical busy weekend.

April 8

A quick update about the day. Today was moving day for Kirk and very stressful for me. There wasn't a road map for how to this so I did the best I could. A friend and I moved his things this morning and got his room set up comfortably. The van from the Hamilton Wolfe house where Kirk is moving to, picked him up from the clinic. And everything went fine. He got a tour and ate dinner. He made a bead bracelet and stemmed very content. The staff commented that he is very gentlemanly and very easy to get along with. I am so very relieved. I burned a lot of calories worrying about how today was going to go and I shed a lot of tears saying goodbyes to people who cared for him so much for the last 5 months. Their goals and desires weren't met. They cared for him and wanted him to get better and come home.

Well today went fine. There are many days to go and our goal is to get him out of memory care but we have many days ahead to see how he adapts to his new life.

I'll get an address into the next post so he can get a letter every once in a while. He might not know who they are from but who doesn't like to get a letter.

April 4

I am sorry it has been so long since I have posted. These have been difficult weeks and I just couldn't write. But at the same time I need to write.

These posts since the accident were never what we wanted to use the blog for. The blog was supposed to share the big adventures of our lives as well as provide the story of Sidney's life. Something she could look back on with fondness and happiness for the adventure.

I had my meeting with the staff at the rehab facility where Kirk is and it was heart breaking. Kirk will discharge next week and he isn't functional enough for me to bring home. Although he has made some progress with reading and is mildly stronger he is not able to be alone at all. He still has no short term memory and his long term memory is patchy at best. He is not able to say where we got married or when or anything about our lives together or before that. The prognosis is that he will not significantly improve from where he is. He will require 24 hour supervision indefinitely. He is tired and frustrated from working so hard and long at rehab, although this is something he can't express. But it is fairly obvious by his resistance to continue.

So I began the journey two weeks ago to find someplace for him to live where he can have the supervision he needs but also have access to the activities that make him happy, at least momentarily. Without going into great detail it was hard and saddening to try to find him a place. I did find a place to try. The staff there has been very supportive and helpful to working out the details and are understanding that this first try might not be successful. So although I have this place, I am continuing to develop back up plans.

So Kirk will move on Wednesday to an assisted living facility into the memory care unit. We don't want him in that unit for very long but we need to protect him during the transition. He left the house last Saturday and there is staff there who can follow him. But where he is moving, that's not a possibility. He also has been far more frustrated and agitated lately. Not behavior he has demonstrated before but also not unusual for a brain injury. Some of it has been triggered by medication changes but not all of it.

He has a doctors appointment next Friday with a new internist. I am going to really talk to them about his medications and what we can do to keep him content. I also want to make sure there isn't anything else we can do for him in relation to the brain injury.

The staff at the facility he is going to wants to see him transition to just assisted living. Although there isn't anyone as young as him, there are some younger, active residents. The staff does not have a lot of experience with TBI but they have been really trying to learn. As I said, they are doing everything they can to help us. And we are hoping that if Kirk is happy, he won't want to leave. We also are developing strategies to ensure he comes and goes through the same door every time and that door is not on the floor he is on. I don't want him in memory care for any longer than he has to be and I can't afford it long term.

Sidney and I are in Houston for the weekend. It's my opportunity to not have to take care of myself or anyone else. I think the move could be difficult for Kirk and there are still hard decisions and weeks ahead.

Sidney is doing ok. She feels the strain and although doesn't want to talk about it, I can see it in her behavior. She simply will not get very far away from me.

Please continue to hold us in prayer. Kirk is so very confused right now and I am so very sad. Sidney is also confused and struggling to find her place in this new life. I will try to get back to routine posts.