September 3 Update 2

I was able to go back and see Kirk this evening and unfortunately I was shocked. They were re-setting up his EEG and he was under a warming blanket and there was a higher stress level that I could feel immediately. After I left this afternoon his blood pressure went up, his pulse went up and his cranial pressure went up. These changes were significant enough to warrant another CAT scan. He also developed shivers. Fortunately there doesn't appear to be a significant change to the CAT scan. It still shows a significant bleed.

They have increased his sedation and increased the medications for the shivering as well as maxing out his blood pressure medicine. They are doing cultures to diagnose the fever and are treating that to start with gentle cooling and Tylenol. They will do more aggressive cooling if needed.

For Kirk's nurse friends I tried to write down at least some of his meds. This is a learning test for me and I am trying to get sharper. I struggle to remember anything so I am learning to travel with eon and paper and to write everything down, including what I need to do in the next hour. Kirk is on Midazolam, Magnesium, high percent saline, Fentanyl, and Cardipene (maybe got those right) at least via IV. He gets some other things through his NG tube and also insulin right now.

They will finish the EEG tomorrow but thus far there are no indications of seizure activity. After the EEG is complete they will send him for an MRI as well as a MRA. They promise to call me if anything significant happens.

I had a very good conversation with the night neurologist. She took the time I needed to answer my questions and to help me feel as secure as I can with what isn't known. We are not through day 3 on a multi-day journey. There are no answers right now. They treat immediate problems and consider success as stopping that from getting worse.

Kirk's cousin drove us over to the hospital tonight. On the way home there was a van parked on the other side of the main road leading to our subdivision in a small pull off. The area is carved or blasted out stone, flat on three sides, like a cliff. The van was projecting "Love Prevails" on a wall in lights. Why? The three of us in the car were touched.

Kirk has always held my hand on the sickness and health. My turn now. I do struggle to balance where I should be, with Kirk or with Sidney. I am never quite sure I choose right. She needs both parents and I am barely adequate to fill one role now. Sidney is confused but still my cheer leader. All of my love is reflected back.

The love and support pours in. A colleague brought found last night and someone else brought food tonight. The office sent beautiful flowers and another office an edible arrangement which me made a good dent in. So many are asking what we need and for now we are doing OK. I promise I will ask for what we need. We have a journey that will take a long time. We will need you. And we thank you for what you have already done and what we know we can count on fir the future.

Bless you. Thank you. Pray for the turn we need to come. Love will prevail but it isn't my love alone.

Kimber